BOSTON — Local liberal Brian Mullins, who is boycotting any company that he sees as supporting a fascist regime, spends all of his free time staring at a wall with no idea what else he could be doing, sources who just created a Bluesky account confirmed.
“Seems like voting doesn’t do much good anymore, but I can still make my voice be heard with what companies I support. And now that I’ve stopped using all these tech products, I have time to just sit here and admire the Sherwin-Williams paint on the wall,” said Mullins. “Sitting here completely still and in total silence, since I’ve also boycotted Spotify, really seems like the best way to protest. I’m sure the complete inaction of me sitting in my apartment will get my message across to those who support fascism, if only there was some way I could get the message out. Besides, I can’t think of anything else to do anyway.”
Some of those close to Mullins understand his reasoning but wish they were included in the silent protest.
“I mean, I get it. He doesn’t want to support these dipshit oligarchs anymore but what he doesn’t realize is if you boycott anything run by a rich piece of shit you end up staring at your living room wall all day,” said Mullins’ friend Jeff Costa. “I’ve suggested to him that we go do an actual protest outside or help volunteer at a non-profit but he said he can’t drive anyway because he got rid of his Tesla and he is also boycotting Uber. When I told him he could just ride a bike he said that it sounded like ‘a lot of effort’ and that was the end of that.”
Stock market analyst Percy Conroy says these types of boycotts may not be having the effect that one would hope to achieve.
“We see this a lot on Wall Street where people boycotting this company or that company think they are making a difference on the market but honestly at best they’re causing a minor blip for a day or two and that’s only if they can somehow organize and boycott in sizeable numbers,” said Conroy. “And if causing the market to crash and companies to lose billions in value is their goal then they should’ve just voted for Trump in the first place.”
At press time, Mullins reported that he is now essentially on day 3 of a hunger strike since boycotting DoorDash for screwing their drivers out of their tips.